Cincy's BEST Kept Secret? This Holiday Inn Express Will SHOCK You!
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because we're diving deep into the supposed "BEST Kept Secret" – this Holiday Inn Express in Cincy that supposedly will "SHOCK" you. Let's see if the hype is real, shall we? And, full disclosure, I love a good hotel. This ain't gonna be your typical fluffy review, it's gonna be real.
**First Impressions & Location - The Great Escape (and the Unexpected) **
Okay, so the website promised a "shock." Did I get shocked? Nope. But was it decent? Absolutely. The location is pretty solid, easy to get to from the airport – which is a massive plus after a red-eye. And parking? Free! Score! I HATE paying for parking. We're on the right track!
Accessibility & Safety - Navigating the Maze
I'm not disabled, thankfully, but I always look for accessibility because it's important. The website boasts "Facilities for disabled guests." That's a good start! Elevator, check. The common areas seem pretty navigable – not a labyrinth, which is always a win. They have "CCTV in common areas" and "Security [24-hour]." Comforting. And, hey, "Fire extinguisher, Smoke alarms, Soundproof rooms." Solid. Makes you feel slightly less paranoid about the world.
Cleanliness - The Sanitized Sanctuary
This is where things get interesting, especially post-pandemic. The "Anti-viral cleaning products," "Daily disinfection in common areas," and "Doctors/nurse on call," all set a tone right away. They say "Rooms sanitized between stays" and have "Sterilizing equipment," but frankly, I couldn’t see behind walls. But everything looked spotless. They had "Hand sanitizer" readily available. The “Hygiene certification” part, well I never saw one, but I felt safe.
Rooms - The Battle for the Wi-Fi (and My Sanity)
Now, the room. This is where things get personal. The "Wi-Fi [free]" is a MUST. And it’s a HUGE deal when it's actually good. Seriously, I've stayed in hotels where the Wi-Fi is slower than a snail on a treadmill. Thankfully, this Holiday Inn Express was pretty reliable. "Internet access – wireless" is a godsend, seriously. "Internet access – LAN" too. They’re covering all the bases. They also have "Laptop workspace," "Desk," "Socket near the bed" (HEAVEN!), and, finally, "wake-up service" which is super important if you're traveling for business. I'm giving a big thumbs up for that!
The "Things to Do" Section - My Failed Pursuit of Relaxation
Okay, this is where my expectations got a little crushed. The website hints at relaxation. Swimming pool. Yeah, nice. "Pool with view?" Well, it just looks out on the car park, but hey, it's outdoors. They have a "Fitness center," (which I didn’t use – I was on vacation, people!), and maybe "Spa/sauna" but I saw nothing so big disappointment. "Massage?" Nope. So my dreamy spa day fizzled out before it began.
Dining & Drinking - The Breakfast Buffet Bonanza (and My Greed)
Breakfast is where Holiday Inn Express usually shines. And, this one mostly delivered. "Breakfast [buffet]" – my happy place! But, alas, the options, though plentiful, are not exactly life-altering. The scrambled eggs, the usual suspects. I’m a "Western breakfast," kinda guy. Though I did see "Asian breakfast" as well! They had “Coffee/tea in restaurant” which is essential, of course. (I mean, c’mon!). I would have loved a "Poolside bar," or a "Snack bar" because I'm a professional snacker.
Services & Conveniences - The Little Things
"Air conditioning in public area" is vital in summer. "Concierge" – didn't need them, but good to know they're there. "Cash withdrawal" – always handy. "Laundry service" – YES! "Daily housekeeping" – thank goodness! "Doorman?" Maybe. "Elevator?" Definitely. "Car park [free of charge]" again! Thank you, sweet baby Jesus!
Let's Get Real
Okay, the "shocking" part? I didn't find it. But that doesn’t make it bad. It's solid. Clean. Convenient. And, let's be honest, in today’s world, those qualities are HUGE. It's a solid, dependable choice. It's not the Ritz, but it's comfortable and safe and that counts for a lot.
Quirks & Imperfections - The Human Touch
The website promised a "shock." I didn't receive that shock. But, hey, maybe the coffee could be better. Also, the music selection in the lobby was… questionable. But, at the end of the day it’s a nice well-kept Holiday Inn Express (really, that’s a compliment).
The Emotional Verdict:
I went in hoping to be wowed. I wasn’t. I left feeling…satisfied. It’s a good choice. A safe choice. A reliable choice. And sometimes, that's all you need. Ultimately, I'd stay here again.
The Offer (Because You Deserve a Deal!)
Tired of hotel roulette? Craving a stress-free Cincy stay? Look no further! This Holiday Inn Express delivers exactly what it promises: a clean, comfortable, convenient stay.
Here's what you get:
- Free Wi-Fi that actually works! (Because let's be honest, it's 2024)
- Free parking! (Save your cash for the good stuff – like extra snacks at the buffet!)
- A reliable breakfast buffet!
- Spotless rooms.
- A convenient location.
My Recommendation: Book now! It’s perfect for the business traveler and the weekend warrior. For a stress-free Cincy stay, book this Holiday Inn Express. It's a safe choice and it's a sensible choice. Book and get 10% discount using the code "HOLIDAYINNROCKS"
Uncover Paradise: Villa Amendra, Sri Lanka's Hidden Gem
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because we're about to descend on the Cincinnati North-Monroe Holiday Inn Express like a swarm of… well, let's just say "enthusiastic travelers." This ain't your perfectly polished, cookie-cutter itinerary. This is real life. This is chaos. This is… me.
Day 1: Arrival & The Mystery of the Missing Remote (and Good Intentions)
3:00 PM - ARRIVAL: Land at CVG (Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky International Airport). Okay, so I thought I was being efficient. I packed light (ish). And then, wham! The rental car line was a goddamn SNAFU. Ended up with a minivan, which, let's be honest, feels about as cool as wearing Crocs to a rock concert. (No offense to Croc-wearers, you do you.)
4:00 PM - CHECK-IN at the Holiday Inn Express: Ah, the familiar embrace of a chain hotel. Not luxurious, but hey, the AC probably works. The lobby was… well, clean. The front desk person was friendly, bless her heart. (She needs a vacation).
4:30 PM - THE GREAT REMOTE DEBACLE: Unpack. Survey the situation. Find the bed. Then, the horror. No. Remote. First thought? "Someone stole it!" Second thought? "Maybe I'm an idiot and they hid it somewhere." Cue: desperate rummaging under the beds, behind the lamps, inside the… uh… let's just say I’m not proud of where I looked. Eventually, found it inside a drawer. Idiot.
5:00 PM - INTENDED: Casual stroll, Dinner (didn't make it). I planned to walk around the area. Planned. But by the time I actually found the remote, and the unpacking, the light was waning, and my stomach began to rumble a symphony of protest. Suddenly I felt the exhaustion. So, instead opted for a quick nap.
7:30 PM - DINNER: I had been hungry. SO very hungry. I had hoped to order a pizza, however I failed to get pizza due to a bad phone connection. I wandered to a fast food restaurant around the corner and order a burger. (it was mediocre).
8:30 PM - CRASH LANDING: Exhaustion won. Bedtime. So much for adventurous first impressions.
Day 2: A Day of Donuts and Doubt
7:00 AM - BREAKFAST (Sort Of): The "complimentary breakfast" at the Holiday Inn Express. You know the drill: Scrambled eggs that look like they've been abandoned since the Eisenhower administration, rubbery sausage, and a waffle-maker that's either on fire or producing pale, anemic discs. This morning? Both. Managed to snag a passable yogurt and a surprisingly decent cup of coffee. Victory!
8:00 AM - DONUT DELIGHT: This deserves its own section. Because it's the highlight of this whole damn trip so far. I'm not even a huge donut person… or wasn't, until I stumbled upon Holtman's Donuts (I checked, it's only a short drive outside of Monroe). This place…this place is heaven. Fresh, fluffy, glazed (duh), and a whole rainbow of other glorious creations. I may or may not have bought three. (Okay, it was four). Ate them in the car. No regrets. None. I'm still thinking about them.
9:30 AM - THE ANTIQUE QUEST: I'm not normally an antique person but decided to check out all the antique shops. I was in search of some quirky vintage finds. Found a few treasures, and one particularly unsettling porcelain doll. It was staring at me. It followed me around the shop. I escaped.
12:00 PM - LUNCH: A bit of food regret. I got some fast food. I'm regretting the burger from the other night. The food was… functional. I also had some soda.
1:00 PM - THE DRIVE: I went on a drive. I drove around for a few hours. It was nice.
4:00 PM - THE GREAT DISASTER: The rain began. Everything turned grey. The rain was very bad. I hated being in the van. I wanted to be home.
6:00 PM - SOUP & SOUL-SEARCHING: Back at the hotel. I had some soup. I was questioning my life choices. Am I really cut out for the open road? Am I just an exhausted, donut-fueled mess? Maybe. But at least I have donut memories.
7:00 PM - TV and bed.
Day 3: Departure & The Epilogue of Exhaustion
7:00 AM - Another breakfast run: More rubbery eggs. More coffee. Stacking up the protein to try and keep energy levels up.
8:00 AM - Check-Out and Departure: I'm out. Feeling surprisingly okay. The weather cleared up. But I'm still pondering questions. The donut shop. The doll. The remote.
9:00 AM - THE DRIVE: Get back in the van, get back to the airport. The final leg.
11:00 AM - ARRIVAL (HOME): Exhausted. But with a belly full of donuts and a head full of… experiences. This trip wasn’t perfect. It was messy. It was imperfect. But, hey, it was mine. And sometimes, that’s enough.
Cincy's BEST Kept Secret? This Holiday Inn Express Will SHOCK You! (Yeah, Really) - FAQ
