Delano's BEST Hotel? Holiday Inn Express 99 Highway Review!
Okay, buckle up, Buttercups, because we're about to dive headfirst into the glorious - or maybe not-so-glorious - world of the Holiday Inn Express on 99 Highway in Delano, California. Delano. The name itself… well, it evokes images of… let’s just say it's got a certain charm. And this hotel? Well, that's the question, isn't it? Is it charm-adjacent? Let's find out.
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First Impressions (and a slight existential crisis)
Pulling up to the Holiday Inn Express, I'm hit with a wave of… well, beige. It's a very… neutral experience. Not offensive, not exciting. Perfectly generic. But hey, I was expecting that, and sometimes, that's exactly what you need. After a long drive, all you want is a place. A place to, you know, shower. To exist for a little bit.
Accessibility: The Good, the Okay, and the "Hmmm…"
Alright, let's talk accessibility. This is important stuff. And thankfully, the Holiday Inn Express seems to try.
- Wheelchair accessible: YES! Ramps, elevators… they've got it. The common areas seem pretty maneuverable.
- Facilities for disabled guests: They say they have them. I didn’t personally experience them (no personal experience with using these accommodations). But the website promises accessible rooms.
- The overall vibe, though? A tiny bit sterile. Like, the accessible features are there, but the soul of accessibility -- the feeling of welcoming inclusion -- is… well, let's just say it's not radiating brightly.
Internet… Oh, the Internet. A Saga.
- Free Wi-Fi in all rooms?! Bless, yes! Thank god. If there's one thing I need after a road trip, it's to post the selfie of proof of my survival on this epic journey.
- Internet [LAN]: I don't even KNOW what LAN is. Something from the dark ages of internet. But they have it. Whoa if you still need it.
- Internet Services: Again, bless the gods of travel.
Things to Do (and Not to Do): Relax and Recharge (Maybe)
Okay, let's get real. This isn't the Four Seasons. This is Delano. "Things to do" in the immediate vicinity might be… limited. Still, let's look at what they offer:
- Swimming Pool (Outdoor): Yes! And looks… cleanish. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac, so I'd probably give it a good once-over before diving in. Sunbathing potential: moderate to high, depending on the weather and your tolerance for the Delano sun.
- Fitness Center: Okay, so it's a tiny room. With treadmills. And… some weights. Don't expect a full-blown gym experience. It's there to get your sweat on, which is all you can ask of a hotel gym.
- Spa/Sauna/Steamroom: Not available. But, I imagine it would cost too much and would feel out of place.
Cleanliness & Safety: The Modern Necessity
This is where things get very important. Especially now.
- Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Rooms sanitized between stays: They claim all of this. And that’s vital! Makes you feel a little safer – though I'm a chronic hand-sanitizer-abuser!
- Hand sanitizer everywhere: Good job, HI Express! Yay!
- Staff trained in safety protocol: I hope so! Would be pretty mortifying if they weren’t.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: Breakfast Blues (and a Potential Saving Grace!)
Okay, the food situation is… simple.
- Breakfast [buffet]: The breakfast. This is where the Holiday Inn Express shines. I'm not kidding! It's a free breakfast buffet. Yes, it's mostly the usual suspects: scrambled eggs (questionable origin), sausage (potentially more questionable), oatmeal, yogurt, cereal, and those weird little mini-muffins that taste vaguely of sadness. But the coffee? Surprisingly decent. And, hey! It’s free! You’ll survive. Even better, you'll survive while saving money.
- Breakfast Takeaway Service: Handy if you are in a rush.
Services and Conveniences: The Little Things That Matter
- Cash withdrawal: Yes, with a small fee.
- Concierge: Nope. Don't expect a bustling concierge desk. You're on your own, buddy.
- Convenience store: Nope.
- Laundry Service: Yes, for a price.
- Elevator: phew
- Pet availability: Sorry pet owners.
For the Kids: Family-Friendly?
- Family/child friendly: Okay, yeah. They don't have a crazy playground, but the pool is good for the kiddos!
Available in All Rooms: The Nitty-Gritty
- Air conditioning: Check! Important.
- Coffee/tea maker: Essential in my book.
- Free bottled water: Always appreciated.
- Hair dryer: Thank god.
- Wi-Fi [free]: Yesss!
My Weirdly Intense Experience With the Bed
Okay, this is where I get… weirdly passionate. The bed. The bed. After a long drive, you just want… a bed. And this bed? It was… fine. Not luxurious. Not awful. The sheets were clean, and they were comfy. I sank into it and slept. It was exactly what I needed. It wasn't a five-star experience, but it was a bed. And sometimes, on a road trip, that's all that matters.
The Imperfections (and the Charm)
- Exterior Corridors: A bit dated. But at least you get a view of the parking lot.
- A Little Bit Noisy: You can hear the highway. But you get used to it.
Overall Impression: The Bottom Line
Look, the Holiday Inn Express in Delano isn't going to blow your mind. It's functional. It's clean. It's there. It's a perfect stopover on the way to somewhere else. It’s not the stuff dreams are made of, but will not betray you.
My Emotional Reaction:
I can’t be too mad from this hotel. I needed a hotel and it provided it.
The Offer (Because We Need One!)
Tired of Highway Headaches? Escape to Comfort at the Holiday Inn Express Delano!
Book your stay at the Holiday Inn Express on 99 Highway and get:
- Free breakfast to fuel your adventures!
- Free Wi-Fi to stay connected.
- A clean and comfy room (and that bed!), perfect for resting after a long day of driving!
- Pool that is possibly clean (We're not responsible).
- Reliable cleanliness protocols and safety measures for peace of mind.
Ready for a Refreshing Stop? Click Here to Book Now!
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Okay, buckle up, buttercup, because this ain't your sparkling-clean, perfectly-planned travel itinerary. This is a messy, glorious, and probably-slightly-hungover guide to my stay at the… deep breath …Holiday Inn Express Delano Highway 99 By IHG. Buckle in, you're gonna love this mess.
The "Delano Delight" Itinerary (AKA, My Attempt to Survive Central California)
Day 1: Arrival and the Existential Dread of Highway 99
2:00 PM - Arrival. Oh joy. Delano. My GPS practically wept when I typed it in. Finding the Holiday Inn wasn't hard, thankfully. It’s the classic beige box, a reassuring beacon of corporate blandness amidst the endless fields of… well, you’ll see. The lobby was eerily quiet. Like, post-apocalyptic quiet. I think I saw tumbleweeds. Maybe I hallucinated those.
2:30 PM - Check-in Drama! The front desk person, bless her heart, looked like she’d seen things. Like, really seen things. She was struggling with the computer, muttering about "glitches" and "the system." Finally got my key, and a weary smile. "Enjoy your stay," she said, as if that was even remotely possible.
3:00 PM - The Room (and the Battle of the Remote). Okay, the room. Standard. Clean, which is the main thing. But the remote? That was a war zone. I swear, half the buttons were either non-functional or activated a shopping channel in Spanish. Fifteen minutes of battling the beast, resorting to increasingly desperate button combinations (like, can I fast-forward the clock by hitting the “mute” button? WHY NOT?), and I finally got the TV to turn on. Thank GOD.
3:30 PM - The Highway 99 Blues. I cracked open the window. The air was… well, it was California air. Thick with the promise of sun, dust, and, if I’m honest, a bit of despair. The highway was a constant, roaring reminder of… everything. Road trips, loneliness, and the sheer vastness of… well, everywhere. I felt a sudden urge to call my mom.
4:00PM - The In-Room Coffee Catastrophe. Let's be clear. The coffee maker in these hotels are the bane of my existance. This was no exception. I read all the directions, the thing still produced something that looked and tasted like dirty dishwater. I'm not even kidding. I think I'd have a better time shooting the grounds out of a sling shot to get a better taste.
6:00 PM - Dinner Disaster (but with a silver lining). Dinner. The choices were… limiting. There was a Mexican restaurant, and a fast-food place. I chickened out and decided to go for the latter. I walked in, and got the wrong order. My stomach groaned in disappointment. But, hey, at least it was food.
7:30 PM - The Pool (or, the Attempt at Relaxation). The pool looked inviting. In theory. In practice, it was… cold. Bone-chillingly cold. I lasted about three minutes before retreating to the warmth of my… questionable coffee.
8:00 PM - TV & the Eternal Struggle. Found something to watch. A reality show. I didn't understand it, it made me feel even more lost than before. And that damn remote! It still taunted me.
9:30 - The Bed. Finally, a moment of bliss. The bed in this hotel was amazing. I was out like a light.
Day 2: Delano, the Unexpected Charm, and the Breakfast Debacle
7:00 AM – The Breakfast Buffet Blues: Ah, the classic Holiday Inn Express breakfast. A symphony of lukewarm eggs, sad-looking sausage, and… waffles! (Waffles are always a hit, right?) It was all a bit… depressing. I swear, the toaster nearly caught fire. But hey! Free food.
8:00 AM - Wandering Delano (Against My Will). I decided to… explore. Okay, "explore" is a strong word. I drove around, trying to find something, anything interesting. And you know what? Delano… wasn't that bad. It was quiet, it was dusty, but it had a certain… character. And the people were genuinely friendly. Who knew?
9:00 AM - The Mural Revelation. There was a mural. A freaking mural. On the side of a building, depicting grape pickers. It was actually… beautiful. And it made me stop and actually think about the history of the area. Which, yes, is a bit cliché, but hey, it works.
10:00 AM - More Highway 99 Contemplation. Back in the room. Staring out the window. Thinking about everything I'm not doing. Thinking about whether I should just go home.
11:00 AM - Nap-tastrophe. I took a nap. Woke up disoriented. Now I can't tell if I went to sleep at night or in the morning.
12:00 PM - Heading Out. I bid farewell. I'm out! Never to return.
Final Thoughts (and a Few Unsolicited Tips):
- Bring your own coffee. Seriously. The in-room stuff is a joke.
- Embrace the unexpected. You might actually see something interesting (a mural, for example).
- Lower your expectations. This isn't the Ritz. It's Delano.
- Don't be afraid to feel a little lost. Sometimes, that's the most interesting part.
- Enjoy the ride. Even if it's on Highway 99.
And that, my friends, is my Delano story. Imperfect, messy, and hopefully, a little bit entertaining. I’m off to find a real cup of coffee. Wish me luck.
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Holiday Inn Express 99 Highway, Delano: The REALLY Real FAQs
Is the Holiday Inn Express on 99 Highway in Delano, CA, really the "BEST" hotel? (As someone ACTUALLY stayed there)
Okay, so "BEST" is a loaded term. It's like saying the best pizza in the world is... well, everyone has an opinion. But after, you know, *actually* being in the Holiday Inn? Let's say it holds its own. It's clean-ish. The staff, bless their hearts, are trying. It's not exactly a palace, more like... a functional motel wearing a nice tie. But the price... the price is right. And that matters when you're just passing through Delano, which, let's face it, isn't exactly the Seychelles. Okay, okay, "the BEST" is stretching it. But it is FINE. For the price. Did I mention the price?
What's the breakfast like? (Be honest!)
Ugh, the breakfast. Alright, picture this: a buffet. Not one of *those* fancy ones, more like a slightly sad, lonely buffet. You've got your usual suspects. Pre-made scrambled eggs (which may or may not actually *be* eggs – let's not dwell), slightly stale cereal that has seen better days, and those tiny muffins… those individually wrapped, dry, promise-nothing muffins that taste like… dreams of disappointment. And the coffee? Don't even get me started. It’s like… well, it’s better to avoid it. (Okay, I had one cup. It was *that* bad.)
BUT! But! Here's the savior: the waffle machine. Oh, the waffle machine! It’s a beacon of hope! Make those waffles. Pile them HIGH with syrup. Cover them in enough syrup that it's basically breakfast dessert disguised as sustenance. You'll feel a little less soul-crushed about the rest of your day. Just... maybe avoid the coffee. Unless you're a masochist and actually *enjoy* it.
Are the rooms clean?
CLEAN? Okay, let's get real. "Clean" is a sliding scale. Like, it's not *grim*. I didn't spot anything... *living* under the bed. The bathroom was...functional. The sheets *appeared* clean. I'm not going to lie, I eyed them suspiciously, but eventually, yeah, I put my head on the pillow. So, yes, "clean" as in "I survived."
BUT! If you're the type who carries your own UV light to check hotel rooms (no judgment, I respect your dedication), then maybe bring your own Lysol and do a quick sweep. Probably a good idea anyway. Just to be safe. Look, I'm not judging. I have my own cleanliness anxieties. Okay, maybe *more* than a few.
What's the deal with the pool/gym?
Okay, the pool and gym. Let's just say they... *exist*. The pool? It *looked* inviting... from a distance. There was a slightly... *suspicious* green tint to the water. I didn't venture in. I'm just going to leave it at that.
The gym? Ah, the gym. A treadmill that looked like it had survived the apocalypse, a stationary bike that creaked ominously, and one of those universal machines with more rust than chrome… plus a surprisingly impressive collection of dust bunnies. It was the kind of gym that makes you think, "Maybe I'll just... skip the workout." I walked in. I took one look. And walked right back out. Your mileage may vary, but honestly, I'd pack a good book instead. Or maybe just take a nice, long walk outside… away from the gym.
How's the Wi-Fi? Crucial for us digital nomads or remote workers...
Oh, the Wi-Fi. The eternal struggle, am I right? The bane of every digital nomad's existence! Okay, look... it's functional. *Sometimes*. If the internet gods are smiling down upon you, you might actually get a decent connection. But don't expect blazing speeds. Prepare for moments of intense buffering. You might find yourself staring at aHotels With Kitchen Near Me
