Bismarck's BEST Hotel? Holiday Inn Express Review & SHOCKING Secret!
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're wading into the wild world of…Bismarck's BEST Hotel? The Holiday Inn Express? And, oh boy, the secret? Well, let's just say I've got some thoughts. Prepare for a ridiculously honest (and slightly disorganized) review, because that's how I roll, and that's how this hotel sometimes feels.
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Bismarck's Holiday Inn Express: The REAL Deal (and a SHOCKING Secret!) - Honest Review & Why You NEED to Book Now!
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Alright, let's get this show on the road. My expectations? Let's just say they're usually lower than a limbo champion’s back. But hey, a hotel is a hotel, right? Let's see what Bismarck, North Dakota, has to offer in the way of hospitality.
First Impressions & Getting In:
- Accessibility (and a Sigh of Relief): Okay, so, accessibility is a HUGE win. I'm a person who appreciates a solid ramp and wide hallways. Holiday Inn Express actually gets this. They've got the ramp situation handled, and the elevator situation is on point, which is a HUGE relief. Really, it’s one of the first things I look for. The fact that they have facilities for disabled guests, plus the elevator… solid start.
- Check-In/Out & The (Relatively) Painless Process: Contactless check-in/out is gold these days. Makes everything smoother. Their front desk is 24-hour – always a plus. They even had an express check-in/out option, which I’ll admit, is tempting when your bladder's on the brink.
- Security: Seeing CCTV in common areas and CCTV outside property is reassuring. Knowing they have a 24-hour front desk and security makes me feel a bit safer. Fire extinguishers and smoke alarms? Check and check.
The Room - My Home (For a Little While)…and the Wi-Fi Saga:
- Room Features: The Good, The Bad, and the Slightly Annoying: Okay, so… the room was your standard hotel room. I'm talking air conditioning, which, praise the heavens, because Bismarck can get COOKING sometimes. A desk to pretend I was working at, and a mirror to see myself (again). The alarm clock was mostly there for decoration, though, let's be real. Free Wi-Fi, thankfully, was actually free (and worked!). Internet access – wireless was a godsend, especially when you're trying to work (which, let's be honest, is mostly scrolling through TikTok). BUT… the Blackout curtains almost worked - a little leaky in the early morning light.
- The BIG Wi-Fi Question: Here's the thing: Free Wi-Fi in all rooms, and that’s a huge selling point, right? And…it worked! Mostly. There are moments, though, when it felt like dial-up, especially during peak times. They also have internet access – lan, which I didn’t even bother with. It's 2024, people, Wi-Fi or bust!
- Bathroom Bliss (or Lack Thereof): The private bathroom was functional, with a shower, toiletries, and towels. But there was a strange absence of "wow." Additional toilet was a plus, though, because, well, sometimes you just need another loo.
- The "Secret" - You'll Have to Read to Find Out! I'll get to that secret later. It requires context and a degree of… suspicion.
Food & Drink - Fueling the Adventure (and Maybe Regret):
- Breakfast… The Usual Suspects: Okay, the Breakfast [buffet]… it’s a Holiday Inn Express breakfast. You get breakfast service, and it is buffet in restaurant. You know the drill: scrambled eggs that are… well, they’re there. Cereal that gets soggy the second you look at it. Coffee/tea in restaurant – always a must, and they kept it flowing. Asian breakfast? Nope. Western breakfast? Kinda, sorta. But it fills a spot. I’m not saying it's gourmet, but I’m not saying it wasn’t.
- Coffee Shop… or Lack Thereof: Didn’t see a coffee shop. Boo.
- Dining Options Beyond Breakfast? Honestly, I didn't see much in the hotel itself. There are restaurants nearby, and room service [24-hour] is a major win for those late-night snack attacks.
- Snack Attack & Beyond No snack bar. Bring your own!
Relaxation & Recreation – So, What Did I DO?:
- Fitness Center: The Good and the Skeptical: They have a fitness center, which I appreciate in theory. In reality, I'm more of a "walk to the vending machine" kind of person.
- Pool Time? There’s a swimming pool [outdoor]. Sadly, I didn't use it, but I did see it, and it looked inviting on a hot day.
Cleanliness & Safety - Crucial in Our Times:
- The Scrub-Down: Holiday Inn Express seems to take this seriously. Anti-viral cleaning products, daily disinfection in common areas… these are good signs. Rooms sanitized between stays? Hopefully.
- Hand Sanitizer & Hygiene: The hand sanitizer stations were pretty prevalent. Good job. Staff trained in safety protocol? Hopefully!
Services & Conveniences - Did They Have What I Needed?:
- The Extras: They have laundry service, dry cleaning, even ironing service. Essential for the traveling professional (or, you know, someone who doesn't want to look like a crumpled disaster).
- Business Needs: They have business facilities, including meeting/banquet facilities. If you’re in Bismarck on business, you’re probably familiar with this.
- Convenience Store: A convenience store! So clutch for those last-minute snacks.
The "Shocking Secret" (Drumroll, Please!) And Why You NEED to Book:
Alright, here it is. The Secret. It's not a dark conspiracy. It's not even particularly scandalous. But here it is: it's… surprisingly a good value! Bismarck isn't exactly a city booming with luxury accommodations, so for the price, the Holiday Inn Express offers a really solid experience. The accessibility factor alone is a massive selling point for a lot of people. It's centrally located, relatively clean, and convenient.
The Anecdote That Sums It Up: I spent one particularly rainy afternoon stuck in my room, watching terrible movies on the on-demand movies and ordering pizza from a place down the street (thank goodness for food delivery!). It wasn't glamorous, but it was comfortable, dry, and, honestly, exactly what I needed.
But, and this is IMPORTANT…
- The Imperfections: Remember, it’s budget-friendly. The decor is standard, and the "wow" factor is minimal. The breakfast is reliable, but not Instagram-worthy. Sometimes the Wi-Fi glitches. And the "secret" is definitely not a luxury experience.
- The Quirky Observation: My most distinct memory: the overwhelming smell of chlorine from the pool area, which, while not unpleasant, was definitely… notable.
My Verdict:
Bismarck's Holiday Inn Express is a solid choice. It's not perfect, but it delivers on the essentials. If you're looking for a clean, comfortable, accessible, and reasonably priced hotel in Bismarck, the Holiday Inn Express should be on your list.
Why You NEED to Book Now!
- Value for Money: You get more than you pay for.
- Accessibility: A real winner for anyone needing those features.
- Convenience: Close to what matters.
- The Secret… it’s just a good, solid hotel! Honestly if you’re looking for a place to stay, this is the thing to go for!
- You're in Bismarck! Embrace it!
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(And the imperfections? Honestly, that's just life, right?)
Final Rating: 7/10. Would recommend.
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Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because this "itinerary" isn't going to be your perfectly-planned-out, spreadsheet-toting, color-coded disaster of a trip. This is the real deal. This is… the Holiday Inn Express Bismarck, North Dakota, through the eyes of a caffeine-deprived traveler who may have forgotten to pack socks. Let's do this.
Day 1: Arrival and the Great Bismarckian Mystery (and I Need Coffee. Seriously.)
- 1:00 PM - Arrival at Bismarck Municipal Airport (BIS): Okay, so I flew in. The flight was… fine. Nothing to write home about unless you really enjoy the sound of babies crying and the distinct aroma of stale airplane pretzels. The landing was a little… abrupt. I think the pilot might have skipped his coffee, too.
- Anecdote Alert: As I was hauling my ridiculously oversized suitcase (because, you know, I needed "options"), I nearly tripped over a tiny, perfectly-behaved poodle. The owner? A woman who looked like she'd stepped straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting. She just smiled and said, "Welcome to Bismarck!" Instant charm points. Bismarck, you're already winning.
- 1:30 PM - Check-In at Holiday Inn Express & Suites Bismarck: Found it easily - the sign was practically glowing in the vast expanse of parking lot. The front desk person, bless her heart, was clearly the most patient human on the planet because I fumbled with my credit card and accidentally called my own name "Margaret" (don't ask). Check in was… check-in.
- 2:00 PM - Room Exploration: Room 217. Decent. Clean enough. The bed looks… inviting. But first, the crucial mission: find the coffee maker. (Urgency level: critical.)
- Quirky Observation: The mini-fridge looks like it could barely hold a carton of juice. And the TV? Pre-streaming! It's going to be a throwback weekend, folks.
- 2:30 PM - Coffee. Glorious Coffee. The Holiday Inn Express always does a decent job on the coffee. sigh Life's good again, even if I really miss my pour-over.
- 3:00 PM - The Great Bismarckian Hunt: After the caffeine hit, I decide to brave the outside world. I'm going to walk. I'm going to explore. I'm going to be a tourist. Except I'm completely unprepared. I have no map! I have no idea where I'm going! I wander around for an hour looking for… well, something.
- Anecdote: I thought I saw a sign for a museum! But, alas, I was wrong. It was a very convincing sign for a… car dealership. I seriously considered buying a truck, just to fit in. I gave up by finding a local coffee shop (Bismarck, you are making up for my initial coffee deprivation) and just took in the town. Bismarck is not what I expected.
- 5:00 PM - Back to the Hotel (defeated but caffeinated): Time to plot my next move. And, you know, find the socks.
- 7:00 PM - Dinner: I'm ravenous after all that wandering! I decide to go with the front desk's suggestion. It turned into a very average diner.
- Emotional Reaction: The food was fine, but the atmosphere was a little gloomy (and the waitress forgot my water three times!). I just wanted a tasty meal after a long day, not a existential crisis.
- 8:30 PM - Netflix and Chill (alone, with a Coke): The TV works! Excellent. Time to unwind after the Bismarckian adventure.
Day 2: The Missouri River Meander and the Quest for Authentic Bison
- 7:00 AM - Wake Up (sort of): The alarm clock is the enemy. But the promise of fresh coffee gets me out of bed.
- 7:30 AM - Breakfast Buffet Round Two: Okay, maybe the breakfast buffet is a good thing. A waffle, you say? Yeah, I will!
- 8:30 AM - The Missouri River Cruise (Attempted): I'm going to embrace the outdoors! It's still cold, but whatever.
- Anecdote: I tried to rent a bike but my tires were flat. Guess I will be taking the car again.
- 9:30 AM - Exploring the River: The Missouri River, in all its slow, muddy glory. I take pictures. It's all very scenic.
- 11:00 AM - The Quest for Bison (Continues): I heard somewhere that there's a place in town that does buffalo… I need to try it!
- Emotional Reaction: I don't know why, but a good buffalo burger has become a quest.
- 12:00 PM - Lunch, or the Bison Burger Incident: I found a place! A little dive bar with "World's Best Burger" painted on the sign. I order the buffalo burger.
- Messy Honest Moment: This burger… was not the world's best. It was… adequate. The fries were cold. BUT the beer was cold which helped. Still, I'm a little disappointed. I wanted an experience.
- 1:30 PM - Siesta Time (or, the Nap of Shame): After that less-than-stellar burger, I'm dragging. Back to the hotel for a power nap. Don't judge me.
- Quirky Observation (about the nap): The pillow is a bit too fluffy. But sleep is sleep.
- 3:00 PM - Back to Exploring (with low expectations): I am feeling optimistic again! I will not let a bad burger ruin my day. I will be productive again.
- Opinionated Language: I went to a bookstore. Nothing special.
- 5:00 PM - Dinner, Part Deux (or, the Redemption Burger?): Let the quest begin again. I will find a good buffalo burger.
- Anecdote: After striking out on my own, I decided to go into the hotel lobby. I ran into a group of people who had the same experience as me! Talk about a mood boost!
- 7:00 PM - Hotel Hot Tub: Oh my god, amazing!
- 8:00 PM - Sleep
Day 3: Departure and the Final Bismarckian Thoughts
- 7:00 AM - Wake Up (again): Sigh.
- 7:30 AM - Breakfast Buffet (one last hurrah): More waffles!
- 8:30 AM - Check Out: Easy peasy.
- 9:00 AM - Airport Bound: Back to the airport.
- 9:30 AM - Final Thoughts: Bismarck, North Dakota. You're a mixed bag. The scenery is decent (especially the river). The food… well, the food needs some work. But the people? The people are lovely. And you have that "small town charm" thing going on.
- Emotional Reaction: Overall, it wasn't a bad trip! I'm not sure I'll be back anytime soon, but I won't lie, part of me already misses those quirky little things about this town.
- 10:00 AM - Bye bye.
Alright, spill the beans! Was this place REALLY the "BEST" hotel as advertised?
BEST? Oh honey, that's a *bold* claim. Let’s just say, Bismarck's competition for "Best Hotel" is… *limited*. It's North Dakota, folks. Expectations were already adjusted accordingly. So, "best" is subjective. It was, shall we say, *functionally* adequate. Cleanish. Comfy beds, I guess. But BEST? Nah. We're talkin' more like, "Best of the Available Options Given Our Current Situation." I mean, I wasn't *complaining* at the time, but now that I'm reflecting... hmmm...
Let's talk about the "SHOCKING Secret." What's the deal? Is it haunted? Did you find a hidden stash of... well, you know?
Okay, this is where things get... interesting. The "shocking secret" isn't some grand conspiracy, but it did catch me totally off guard. It's not haunted (that I saw, at least), and no, I didn’t stumble upon a lost suitcase of cash. The secret? The **continental breakfast roulette**. Every morning, you'd walk down with this hopeful glint in your eye... and you’d get *something*. Sometimes, it’s a surprisingly fresh waffle (score!). Other days? Rock-hard bagels that looked like they'd been there since the Ice Age. One morning, I swear, the scrambled eggs resembled a… a *yellow-ish solid* in a questionable shape. I swear to you, it was a gamble every single day. My "shock" came from the sheer inconsistency of it. It was a constant, suspenseful wait to see if breakfast would be a delight or a disaster.
Okay, so the breakfast was… questionable. Anything ELSE that stood out, for better or worse?
Oh, absolutely. Let's see... The *location* was pretty solid. Right off the highway – easy to find (and escape!)... which, in Bismarck, is a major win. Now, the *gym*... Ugh. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate a hotel gym, but this one was *tiny*. Like, treadmill-and-a-couple-of-weights-and-that’s-it tiny. I tried to use it one morning and had to... well, I had to *share* the treadmill with this VERY enthusiastic older gentleman. We were at a *very* close proximity, I'll just say. And the pool? I didn’t brave the pool. It looked... *chlorine-y*. And the elevators... Oh, the elevators. They were slow and always seemed to be occupied. Sometimes I was tempted to take the stairs, but then remembered I was on the 5th floor.
Going back to breakfast for a second... Did you have a *moment* with the continental offerings? A particular bagel battle, perhaps?
Oh, yes. Oh, *yes* I did. Let me tell you about the bagel incident. I walked down, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, craving carbs. A bagel. A good, chewy bagel. There they were, sitting on a platter, looking suspiciously… *pale*. I grabbed one. Froze. Picked at it with a fork. It was like trying to saw through concrete with a plastic knife. I swear, you could have used it as a hockey puck. I tried to take a bite out of the bagel and actually got a chunk *stuck* in my teeth. Yes. I spent the next ten minutes discreetly using my fingernails to dislodge it. The shame! The frustration! But it’s okay! It was a great memory, and it taught me to cherish those mornings when the bagels were at least… *edible*.
The Staff... What was the energy there like?
The staff were generally… nice. Professional. Efficient. Not terribly memorable, but that's not a bad thing, right? It wasn't like the front desk was brimming with gregarious, life-of-the-party types. They were all, you know, doing their jobs. I remember one woman, though. She was wearing a name tag that said "Barb." Barb was a true professional. She was always very pleasant! She was the one who gave me the extra towels after the Great Bagel Incident. She was genuinely kind. And that, my friends, is always appreciated.
Okay, the big question: would you stay there again? And if not, where *would* you go?
Hmm... would I stay there again? In a pinch? Yes. If it were the only reasonable option? Absolutely. But would it be my *first* choice? Probably not. Look, it's a Holiday Inn Express. The expectations shouldn't be too high. But overall? It's a decent, functional place to crash. If I had the choice? I'd probably look at other hotels in Bismarck. I would see what the other hotels are like, hoping that there would be a more superior breakfast experience. Also, I would want a pool. I want a good pool! Ultimately, it really depends on what's available and what's within my budget.
Oh, yes. I guess it depends on whether I want a waffle or a bagel.
So, overall, what is your final verdict on the Holiday Inn Express in Bismarck?
Alright, final verdict? It's... fine. Perfectly *fine*. It might not be the "BEST," but it's not the worst. It's a solid, no-frills option. The rooms were clean enough, the beds were comfortable enough, and the staff was nice enough. But the breakfast... Oh, the breakfast. That, my friends, is the adventure. Go with low expectations, and you might be pleasantly surprised. Or, you might end up battling a bagel. Either way, you'll have a story to tell. And isn't that what matters most?
